What a great reminder for us coaches that it’s good not to have the answers for the client and to go with the discomfort of the ‘stuckness.’ It’s OK for us to be out of our depth and metaphorically to capsize the boat unintentionally.  And for those of us looking for new and creative solutions, different ways of thinking, this book offers insights and inspiration.

With Gilligan and Dilts, we witness two great personal development masters at the height of their game, giving us a privileged insight into their work as trainers and healers. They encourage curiosity and listening at a deeper, broader level with an elegance that belies the sophistication of their approach.  Above all the generosity of spirit of both guys shines through as they dance, play, tell stories and entertain the audience. Nowhere do you get the sense that they want to be celebrities on the centre of the stage. It’s the work and the clients who matter most as the true heroes.

The book is derived from transcripts of a four day workshop and through careful editing, enables the reader to feel engaged in the experience. Wisdom, healing, laughter and energy exude from the page. The pair weave intellectual concepts from NLP, Hypnosis, Aikido, Buddhism, the Five Rhythms and more into the structure of the Hero’s Journey as well as Gilligan’s own model of the Generative Self. Those who want more than theory are well served with a range of well-explained practical exercises. You can have a go at these on your own or with a coach or colleague.

Gilligan’s three part Generative Self model address the somatic, cognitive and field aspects of self. My own take on this (and the way I apply the ideas with clients)  is that this means first learning to centre ourselves in the body, getting in touch with breathing and bodily sensations – the somatic knowledge. Secondly we need to accept and sponsor all aspects of ourselves, good and bad at the cognitive level, and then the third element involves connecting with the broader world opening ourselves up beyond our regular experience – the field.

Of course, it’s all easier said than done. This is why the book offers leaves the reader wanting more; it’s a tempting taste of what it is like to experience the workshop for real. As those already familiar with NLP and other disciplines know, the words are simply the surface structure of a deeper experience which happens when people get together.

The book offers a rich version of a live learning experience to read and absorb at leisure, to reflect on and decide how to make these concepts inform your own hero’s journey. It’s one book that will reveal different nuances each time you re-read it and well worth its place on any bookshelf.

Note that this book is not an ‘easy read’ and aimed at an audience already familiar with coaching, personal development and NLP. In my own book, ‘Live Life. Love Work’ I explore the idea of the Hero’s Journey in an accessible way and am happy to tell you more about this if you’re interested in exploring your own journey through coaching. Just get in touch!

Mental energy is about staying resilient in the face of adversity and the challenges that life and the workplace bring: being stimulated and interested in what we are doing; building on our natural strengths and focusing our time on the things that are most important for us.  Just as we preserve our physical energy through a good diet and exercise, so our mental energy needs stretching, relaxation and a strong mindset.

Just pause for a moment to consider a difficulty or surprise you have had in your life that has translated into an opportunity.  Maybe you’ve had bad news?  Maybe you’ve learnt something about yourself that came as a shock to hear? Maybe you’ve been embarrassed by a mistake you made? What one good thing, however small, came out of your experience?

You naturally have the human skills to learn from experiences and direct your thought process to your advantage.  The aim is to boost this mental skill further to create an easy state of flow where all of your mental faculties are harnessed and work to your best advantage.

In his work, The Psychology of Optimal Experience, Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi explored the state of flow that people experience when they are operating at their mental best. Often we recognise flow more by its absence than its presence. When we face a challenge that seems higher than our skill level, we experience anxiety.  When our skill levels are much higher than the challenge, we experience boredom.  The flow state is the mental route between the two: this is the place to be, most of the time.

Think of a time when you were fully absorbed in what you were doing, so the time just flew. You were alert, everything felt effortless, and you were unselfconscious. You were just having a ball.  This is what we mean by a ‘state of flow’.

Flow states allow us to perform at our best in work and enjoy the greatest quality of life beyond our work. How then can you achieve this ease of flow more of the time?

Interested in achieving more flow in any aspect of your life? Contact me directly with any questions.

If you’d like to read more about the key principles to live life, love work, you can buy my book on Amazon here.

Interested in personal coaching or finding out more about my workshops? Click here to email me.

A coaching client recently suggested that he’s ‘rubbish’ at setting boundaries; the invisible lines that separate his professional and personal life. He loves his work so much that the thought of stopping fills him with dread. When he was ill, he worked from his hospital bed, finding it gave him the energy to recover quickly from his illness. Another client told me that when she was ill, colleagues brought work to her in hospital expecting papers to be read and decisions made even though she was seriously ill and wanted to be left alone to recover.

In our physical environment we put up tangible boundaries – doors, walls, hedges, and fences to give privacy, security and separation from the rest of the world.

Boundaries clarify expectations, and provide punctuation marks in the dialogue of frazzled and disjointed lives. By shutting some doors, they open up a breathing space to give us the renewal time we need to stay healthy and energetic. They provide focus, privacy, structure, safety, and containment.

At times when you find yourself in difficult situations or you are mixing with people that you’d rather not be with, extra self-protection is required. So, how can we achieve that without leaving the room? I have a friend who copes with the presence of plenty of very annoying people without appearing to get bothered about it.  When I once asked him how he does that, he explained.  ‘In the back of my head, it’s like a castle with a moat.  The minute I feel someone getting to me, I pull up the drawbridge and go inside.’

In such situations, it can be helpful to visualise some kind of protective boundary to distance you from the pressures you experience as the following exercise shows.

Interested in finding out more? Contact me directly with any questions.

If you’d like to read more about the key principles to live life, love work, you can buy my book on Amazon here.

Interested in personal coaching or finding out more about my workshops? Click here to email me.

By offering support with putting in place new healthy habits, over 80 per cent of people reported an improvement in mental or physical performance; with a lift in energy of over 50 per cent that was sustained over a 12 month period.

Not many people are fortunate enough to have this kind of support from an employer. When business gets tough, the fallout usually impacts on individual employees. When I hear of increasing levels of stress, heart failure, and fatigue-related illnesses causing people to crash out of work, it’s a personal wake up call too.  Any one of us whose role involves supporting customers, clients or loved ones need to hold onto the thought:  ‘When I look after me first, then I can look after you.’

To get fitter, it’s not necessary to join the gym, take a class or swallow up hours of your time. Fitness experts advise us to exercise for just 15 minutes every day or for 35 minutes three times a week.  Choose a mix of aerobic exercise to raise the heart rate and muscle building to burn fat. It is important to warm up and cool down too.

The art of listening is possibly the most valuable skill we develop in life.  Yet how good are we at really listening at a deep level to our bodies? Meditation allows us to get calm and focused.  It’s like coming back to a baseline starting point on a tennis court instead of playing each shot from where we hit the last one.

Interested in finding out more? Contact me directly with any questions. If you’re interested in personal coaching or finding out more about my workshops click here to email me.

If you’d like to read more about the key principles to live life, love work, you can buy my book on Amazon here.

As we move into the world of work, initially full of enthusiasm, there comes a crunch time when we notice that the fun has slipped.  In its place, the drudgery of delivering
projects, budgets or appraisals, kicks in along with anxieties and the responsibility
of working with people who behave badly or treat their colleagues as a robotic
resource.

In the words of one colleague, Ian: ‘It’s the de-sensitisation that’s hard
to swallow.’ After experiencing several takeover situations, he says: ‘The idea
that customers are at the heart of what we do becomes a big lie as the systems
no longer allow it. We have to tick the boxes for the systems first, and can’t
do the best thing or make the right decisions.’

At one time his life and work was completely entwined.  ‘I have worked in aggressive sales organisations that want the single-minded, focused, ‘get the deal’ mindset, and that becomes a brutal existence to live with year in and year out.’

The loss of fun in the rough and tumble detracts from the reason we
chose to do the work we love or to be in that business in the first place. Work becomes a heavy burden, tiring to hold. The mentality kicks in that ‘if it’s not SERIOUS, then it’s not real work.’

Of course, it doesn’t have to be like that, which is what triggers most people to come for coaching: they want to work differently.

So here’s an idea for you…ask yourself:  ‘Am I getting enough playtime?’  When you look in your diary and identify the breaks, ask yourself: ‘Where is the real fun here?’  How much time out which is not task-focused do I get?  Are you happy with what you see in your schedule? Have the hours devoted to work crept up on you or become so intense that there is no downtime?

Playtime for adults, as well as kids, is about having the space to fully
enjoy the moment, to feel free right at your core.  You know there are things you could always be doing elsewhere – jobs, chores or more work. Yet right now you’re simply having
fun being in the moment. A I write this, my favourite rock and roll tunes are playing in the kitchen and I’m ready to dance.  Build in more playtime for yourself and let me know how you get on…

To read more, get your copy of ‘Live. Live. Love Work’ now on special offer at Amazon.

What's on your 'not to do' list?

My desk lays cluttered with interesting documents and books to read, post-it notes, open notebooks, literature about tempting events and lists of things to be done yesterday.

Today I reminded myself that the most critical list on my desk is my ‘not to do’ one. This is the list that I turn every few months  when I’m feeling overwhelmed, overtired or distracted. It reminds me of critical boundaries that keep my energy entact: those topics, events, people and behaviours that are best avoided as they take me off course and hold me back from where I want to go.

And just so you get the idea of a ‘not to do’ list, let me share with you five of  my favourite ‘not to do’s:’

1. Don’t get over-tired. Go to bed rather than burning midnight oil. My productivity slumps after 9pm at night.
2. Don’t waste time living someone else’s life for them or being more motivated about their agenda than yours. (I took that advice from Steve Jobs as a poignant reminder that life is horribly short.)
3. Don’t drink coffee after dinner. (The only exception is when I really, really want to stay awake late, like when I go to the movies.)
4. Don’t accept invitations for meetings/events/calls that you wouldn’t have wanted to initiate yourself. Otherwise you have never have time for those things on your own priority lists: you’re so busy fulfilling someone else’s.
5. Don’t compromise on your values.  Not living your values is a sure route to unhappiness, and if you want to know more about values check out one of my books such as  ‘Live Life. Love Work’ or talk to me about a coaching session.

What would you put as the top ‘not to do’s’ on your own list? Let me know!

The Mexican replied, “only a little while.” The American then asked why didn’t he stay out longer and catch more fish?  The Mexican said he had enough to support his family’s immediate needs.  The American then asked, “but what do you do with the rest of your time?”

The Mexican fisherman said, “I sleep late, fish a little, play with my
children, take siesta with my wife, Maria, stroll into the village each evening
where I sip wine and play guitar with my amigos, I have a full and busy
life.”

The American scoffed, “I am a Harvard MBA and could help you. You should spend
more time fishing and with the proceeds, buy a bigger boat with the proceeds
from the bigger boat you could buy several boats, eventually you would have a
fleet of fishing boats. Instead of selling your catch to a middleman you would
sell directly to the processor, eventually opening your own cannery. You would
control the product, processing and distribution. You would need to leave this
small coastal fishing village and move to Mexico City, then LA and eventually
NYC where you will run your expanding enterprise.”

The Mexican fisherman asked, “But, how long will this all take?”

To which the American replied, “15-20 years.”

“But what then?”

The American laughed and said that’s the best part. “When the time is right
you would announce an IPO and sell your company stock to the public and become
very rich, you would make millions.”

“Millions..Then what?”

Then the American said, “Then you would retire. Move to a small coastal fishing
village where you would sleep late, fish a little, play with your kids, take
siesta with your wife, stroll to the village in the evenings where you could
sip wine and play your guitar with your amigos.”

(Source: I’ve lost the original source of the story, but if anyone would like to claim ownership, please contact me so I can acknowledge your wisdom here.)

It’s impossible to go through life in a steady state of happiness and contentment. Yet when you hit the rocky places – illness, job loss, relationship breakdowns, financial crises, unpleasant news or difficult home moves, how resilient are you to pick yourself up and move on? Most likely you’ll experience an acute sense of disorientation and loss of control. The rug has been pulled out from under your feet and you’re left hovering unable to feel grounded.

This morning I listened as friend and colleague Nanas Callander shared the moving story of her brush with breast cancer and the journey she’s taken over the last 22 months. As a grandmother, wife, doctor, coach and woman of faith, she told of her experiences to inspire a large group of women from those in their twenties to those in their eighties.

The great lesson is that we can renew ourselves and come out stronger each time.

Nanas likens travelling through life to moving through the chapters of a book in which each arrival on a new page is yet another temporary state on the journey. Drawing on models from the book ‘Life Launch – a Passionate Guide to the Rest of Your Life’, she talked of the outer journey and the inner journey within each cyclical phase of the journey.

The outer journey – is visible to the outside world. This is what you do and experience in terms of visible changes, experiences, activities and results.

The inner journey – is the private space of self-exploration. Here you examine your feelings and learn about who you are becoming.

Renewal involves paying attention and making choices in both the outer and inner journey.  Renewal also involves a cycle rolling through four phases in a predictable pattern:

• Phase 1 –The ‘Go For It’ phase –  where you are full of goal-setting and positive action
• Phase 2 –The ‘Stuck in the Doldrums’ phase –  where you feel bored, trapped or stifled
• Phase 3 – The ‘Cocooned’  phase  – where you’ll be  quiet, withdrawn  and emotional
• Phase 4 – The ‘Getting Ready for the Next Chapter’ phase – the visionary and practical place where you  find new energy for the next chapter.

How then can you whizz from Phase 2 to Phase 4 in order to move on?  Nanas’ message, and one that I echo in my own work and writing, is that we need to take time out to unravel our experience, forgive ourselves, let go, learn and integrate the learning and only then we can re-create ourselves anew.

Finding support to gain that perspective during transitions comes in many forms. Coaching, counselling, reading, writing, walking, art, music, gardening, friendships, faith and space to think are some of the places to explore.  Having someone around who you can trust to find the strength and perspective that enable you to open new choices enables you to enjoy this one wild and precious life.  If you would like to talk about this further, mail me or Nanas to set up  a free conversation about personal coaching.

The Energy Model addresses physical, mental, emotional and purposeful needs

How energetic are you feeling about your work today? As I write this, I’m sitting outside with my laptop under a sun umbrella listening to the woodpecker and watching the grasses sway in the breeze. Bringing the outdoors to my work is critical to my well-being. What makes a difference for you?

When we follow our energy intuitively and logically, we naturally shift to work that sings to our soul as well as loving the life that we create for ourselves.  This doesn’t mean to say it will be perfect all of the time, but at least we know where it has gone off track and what needs to happen for us to get focused once more of where we want to be.

 ‘Live Life. Love Work’ is about creating a career that fits the life you want. In the book, my coaching programmes and workshops, I address four dimensions of energy:  

1 Physical energy

It goes without saying that when we’re well, we can conquer the world, we’re buzzing, energetic, enthusiastic and attractive to others.  Physical health is the foundation for life, and easy to take for granted until the body fails in some way.  Without your health you’re in trouble –you don’t feel alive. Physical well-being starts by fuelling the body with good quality food and water that converts to energy.  It involves taking sufficient exercise: relevant activities to strengthen muscles and good quality relaxation and sleep.

 2 Mental energy

Mental energy relates to using your intellectual powers with the optimum level of variety and challenge.  It’s about recognising when you are in a state of ‘flow’ that leaves you fully engrossed and content with the job in hand. To function at your mental best involves harnessing all parts of the brain – at a conscious and unconscious level. When you give yourself ‘downtime’ with hobbies and interests that boost your creativity, you feed your ability to take on tough logical challenges too. 

3 Emotional energy

Do your emotions govern you, or you govern them?  When we are emotionally strong, we have a highly tuned awareness of ourselves and what triggers our emotions.  Equally, we are sensitive to the needs of others, able to develop strong, empathic relationships.  We are able to even out the peaks and troughs that form regular daily life.

 4 Purposeful energy

Life without meaning and purpose becomes hard to sustain.  Some people have a clear sense of direction and purpose; others know what feels right to them.  Purposeful energy enables you to make meaning and connections in your life so that it feels ‘spirited’ and worthwhile. You know that you make a difference, just by who you are.

Contact me  if you’d like to explore ways in which you can manage your energy in order to find the work that sings to you.

How many women struggle to be a wonderful homemaker and business person, a caring daughter as well as a traveller of the world?   How many men feel they need to be the good provider yet dream of a life adventure that takes them far from the responsibilities of home or a secure job? 

Playing many different roles simultaneously on the world’s stage can lead to overwhelm. You can be left wondering who you are to the point of freezing in your tracks, putting your life on hold and doing nothing – until you have the money, your children are grown up; your elderly parents no longer need you. The problem with this approach is that we have one life and no second chances. Months of stretching in different directions turn to years, turn to decades.

Start from a simpler place

The only sane way forward is to stop battling and accept reality, by acknowledging the tensions each role brings. Stop ‘trying’ to perfect each one simultaneously; there can be no perfect balance between all these roles at the same time; the peace comes from a deeper place within yourself.

If we’re aiming to raise the ‘success’ bar all the time, going for bigger and bigger challenges that are potentially exhausting, it’s worth starting from a simple place of acceptance and contentment, going with the moment and moving gracefully over one foot or three foot hurdles to help prepare you for the challenge. 

Look at your hands

Pause a moment and stretch out one of your hands. Look at your hand with the palm uppermost and stretch all five digits of that hand as far out as is comfortable, really watching, feeling, moving your fingers and thumb. Get a sense of the space between each finger and the energy shifting out to very tips of the fingers. When you are doing this, the energy through your hand is flowing freely from the core of your palm. It’s strong and aligned. Experience that as you move fingers back and forward.

Now try bending each finger in turn towards the centre of your palm, and see what happens to the stretch.  Notice how comfortable is it to isolate one finger and stretch out the others?  Maybe when your thumb moves in towards the palm, the stretch is still reasonable.  As you bend your ring finger or middle finger, for example, I suspect it’s not quite so easy to keep the other four digits fully stretched out – you will be bringing in some tension; the energy’s no longer flowing so free.

Consider your hand as a symbol for the whole of you and your life.  If you want to have hands that are flexible, then clearly you need to exercise each part, regularly stretching to the edge and then relaxing without bending too far backwards.  Each and every part of your hand needs to work as a complete system, each respecting the integrity of the whole.

In my book ‘Live Life. Love Work’, I explore ways in which you can manage your energy in order to get less tension and greater contentment. So that you retain the integrity of your whole self.